Gayvengers Assemble
by SitarLover
Summary: Complete crack fic. The Avengers seen in a whole new light. What happens when the Avengers are not out saving the world from complete mayhem? Well, they cause their own mayhem.


One sunshiny day, Thor decides go visit the "love of his life" Jane. Thor travels through the bifrost, and once on Midgard, he takes the long walk to Jane's home. Unfortunately for Thor, when he arrived Jane's door was locked. He knocked on it mercilessly, but no one came to the door. He started to get worried whenever he heard things falling and crashing to the ground. He stormed into Jane's small trailer, but instead of seeing what he was anticipating, he walked in on Jane and Loki getting it on.

Thor was so enraged that he took his giant hammer and throws Mjolniar at Loki. Immediately the brother's start fighting, but Thor obviously had the upper hand. He grabbed Loki by the collar of his shirt and flung around the room like a rag doll. Jane was screaming in the background begging for Thor to stop, but the only thing Thor heard was his brother's grunts of pain.

"Please Thor, that's enough!" Jane shouted as loud as she could. Thor's response was a look of disappointment and jealousy.

He storms out of the trailer and is suddenly overwhelmed by a strange feeling. Was he mad at Loki for hooking up with the "love of his life", Jane? Was he so consumed with jealousy that Jane would betray him in such a way? Or, was it the other way around? Was he upset that Loki was the one to betray him in another way, yet again?

"Thor, please wait!" The blonde Asgaurdian ignored the pleas and continued on his way. The sky had already started to cloud up, because of Thor's anger, but it was becoming a lot more ominous.

On the other side of the US, somewhere in Manhatten, Steve looks out the window from the top of Stark Tower and sees a storm brewing in the distance. He takes a brief second to wonder just what it was that Loki has done this time to piss off Thor to make such a storm travel so far. One minute, it was bright and sunny and the forecast said skies would be clear, and this storm was coming from no where. He knew it was Thor's doing.

He walks back into the living room area to see Tony flirting with Pepper. Now, Steve was used to Tony's constant pathological flirting disorder that Tony had developed over the years, but for some reason Steve was more upset than usual. He looked up at a smiling Tony and had finally had enough. Steve pushed passed an oblivious Tony who continued to say sweet things to Pepper about how nice she was looking, and went out into the hallway to take a breather.

While Tony was trying to get some where with Pepper, and so rudely ignored Steve, Natasha was peering in through the hallway to see Pepper and Tony flirting back and forth again. Natasha was getting tired of Pepper's flip floppiness as well as Tony's, so she went to the roof top to go hook up with Hawkeye. Clint was her typical rebound, so she didn't think it would be a problem to spend the afternoon with him again. What she wasn't prepared for was what she found when she got to the rooftop where Clint usually resided.

Meanwhile, Steve was walking through the corridors wallowing in his own self pity. He was so tired of being second best and pushed aside by the man he loved. So, when he ran into Coulson, who had just gotten into a fight with Nick Fury, he knew that he and Coulson and a lot more in common that he previously thought. Apparently Nick had more than one slut he'd been hooking up with behind Coulson's back, so Coulson and Steve decided to go get a cup of coffee at a near by shop, when it started to pour down rain.

"Loki must have pissed Thor off again." Steve said to Coulson.

"Those two will just never get along. I don't understand, they're brother's after all." Coulson replied.

When Natasha reached the rooftop, her eyes widened in shock. Banner and Hawkeye were making out ferociously and Clint was ripping off Banner's clothes. _Looks like Banner doesn't need to get angry to lose his _clothes, Natasha laughed at the thought. She couldn't tell if she was infuriated with her rebound...well rebounding, or if she was completely turned on. She wanted Hawkeye really bad, but the Hulk was looking fantastic to her also.

Banner and Hawkeye nearly jumped out of their skins whenever lightening struck and the wind started to blow extremely cold. They knew that the two adopted brother's must be fighting, in fact, everyone had to know by now. The temperature was dropped fast and the rain had started to pour. The two Avengers started to dress when they turned around to see Natasha checking them out and Banner started tugging at his clothes to cover up his revealed self.

Hawkeye just leaned against the wall and sighed in frustration and wished Natasha would leave for awhile, but laughed at Bruce's attempt to cover himself.

Pepper started texting Natasha wondering just where she had been, because she started getting bored with the passes that Tony had been making with her. He was a complete tease. She knew Tony didn't like her and was madly in love with Steve, but she never wanted to admit it to herself, but things started getting better for her whenever she started to fall for Natasha.

Pepper's phone started to ring, so she dismissed Tony and walked towards the bar when she saw that it was Natasha calling her.

"Meet me in Clint's room. We're going to...uhh..." Pepper started laughing when she heard Clint and Banner laughing in the background, "We're going to play some games."

"Alright, I'll be there soon." She hung up the phone and went back over to Tony, "I have to go. Prior engagements and what not. You should probably go find Steve before he finds some one who won't waste his time."

Tony immediately left Pepper in his living room and ran around like a crazy person trying to find Steve. He was really going to regret ditching him later. Tony looked out the window and wondered just when the rain started.

In the mean time, Loki chased Thor outside and begged him for forgiveness.

"Please Thor, just listen!"

Thor came to a sudden halt and turned around to look at Loki. He was clearly hurting.

"What could you possibly have to explain. You were clearly mating with Jane. There is nothing to explain brother!"

"I only did it to make you jealous!" Thor's mouth shut with an audible snap. "I only did it because you had been spending so much time going back and forth between the worlds just to see her. You never even acknowledge me anymore. You rarely even call me brother anymore."

Thor could hear the pain in his brother's voice and immediately felt bad for hurting him.

"I never knew you felt that way."

"It's tearing me apart. I couldn't take it anymore Thor. You stole my heart, so I wanted to steal yours. The only way I knew to do that was to ruin what you had with Jane, sense she is clearly your heart."

The rain was pouring at this point and Thor's feelings were finally clear.

"Let's get out of here brother."

They went back to the desert area where they usually land from the bifrost, and Thor shouted at Heimdall to send them to Jotunheim where they could be alone.

Tony had been running around Manhattan looking for Steve, but had no luck.

_To: The Avengers_

_From: Ironman_

_AVENGERS ASSEMBLE! I need help. Steve is pissed at me and I can't find him anywhere. Anyone know where he's at?_

_To: Man of Iron_

_From: Thor_

_You don't deserve a man like the Captain of America. You treat him wrongly. He's better off with the Son of Coul._

_To: Ironman _

_From: Hawkeye_

_Why don't you ask Coulson? ;D_

_To Ironman_

_From: The Black Widow_

_Sounds like a personal problem Tony. The rest of us are busy. Find him yourself like the man you claim to be._

_To: Ironman_

_From: Hulk_

_ROOOOOAR! How dare you treat Steve like that!_

_To: Dick face _

_From: Captain 3_

_Seriously Tony? I'm at the damn coffee shop. You would have known that if you would have listened to me before I left._

_To: Avengers_

_From: Ironman_

_and you call us a team? Fuck you guys._

Tony walked the short two blocks to the coffee shop and saw Steve laughing happily across from Coulson. They were having a great time just talking to each other and telling one another about their mean significant others.

Tony felt his pocket vibrate and pulled his cell phone out of his pocket.

_To: Ironman_

_From: Fury_

_Why the hell is Steve with Phil? _

Tony chuckled, but ignored the text. He walked into the coffee shop and sat down next to Steve.

"See, what had happened was - " Steve elbowed Tony in the gut.

"I don't want to hear it. It's the same thing with you! No more excuses." Tony looked down at the ground. "Either you want me, or you don't. You're with me, or your not. I'm not wasting my time anymore."

"You tell him Steve!" All of the Avengers, besides Thor, were gathered at the front of the coffee shop cheering Steve on as he yelled at Tony.

Tony looked up at Steve and was ready to man up, but right before he was about to speak, Nick Fury came running into the shop and fell to his knees in front of Coulson. He took his hands and began to beg for forgiveness!

"Please take me back! I'm so sorry!" Coulson cried and wrapped his arms around Nick and they were both happy.

"See Tony?" Hawkeye elbowed him in the same place that Steve did, "That's how it's done."

Tony rolled his eyes and looked at Steve.

"I'm not into the sappy chick flick bullshit moments, alright? I love you and I don't want you to go anywhere, so we can either go home and have some make up sex, or you can dump me. You decide."

Steve didn't seem to object much.

The Avengers ended up going back to Stark Tower and had a nice big huge old fashioned Orgy.

But, there were two Gods that didn't join them on that adventure.

The God of Thunder forgave his God of Mischeif over and over in the time they spent together. Thor was never a fan of the ice, but he was absolutely loving the snow at this point. At the end of the day on Midgard, all of planet Earth was being covered in an icy rain.


End file.
